Stream of consciousness ramblings because I'm too tired to edit so I'm gonna give it to ya raw, like a wolf howling at the moon.
We all have the same soul, just in different configurations.
Our differences are superficial.
I understand others, so I assume they understand me too, even when they don't.
Leaving someone feels like leaving part of yourself behind too. It's ok to shed parts of ourselves when our evolution requires it. Or is it? Some people from my past might not even remember me, but I remember them, so for me it's less beneficial to leave someone behind than it might be for others who can forget. I don't forget anyone.
“You are my other me. If I do harm to you, I do harm to myself. If I love and respect you, I love and respect myself.”
In Lak'Ech.
Pre Colonial Mesoamerica could be considered "codependent." Certain aspects of old school psychology are of such a colonizer/patriarchal mindset. Psychology is not inherently universally correct, it's just the cultural values of some white men who invented a new way to make money by categorizing everyone as emotionally/mentally deformed, instead of accepting the normal spectrum of human variation. Therapy is good, or can be, but its roots are questionable to say the least.
I met someone who was institutionalized as a minor against her will in the 1980s and subjected to electroshock therapy to make her stop being gay. (It didn't work.) She spoke about her experience in my womens studies class after publishing her book, The Last Time I Wore A Dress.
I dressed boyish in youth too, but for me it wasn't a gender statement, I just wanted to wear soft comfortable clothes, and I hid my body because kids nicknamed me "anorexia" even though I didn't have any eating disorders. I was criticized for my weight so much that I went to the doctor to check for hyperthyroidism but she said I'm healthy. (I should have made my haters reimburse me for that doctors visit.)
People are interesting. I think it's cool that my friend with dissociative disorder has the ability to detach from her body and see herself from above. Kinda sounds like trauma gave her a superpower. But society calls this a "disorder." One person's superpower is another's disorder I suppose. I think a better word for "dissociative" could be "expansive."
I always wondered about perception. Blame Aldous Huxley's The Doors of Perception which blew my teenage mind. Has no one else ever wondered whether schizophrenics are actually just hypersensitively perceiving something which is (in some sense) real, even though "normal" people don't perceive the same delusions?
Our minds constantly hallucinate in the form of thoughts, dreams, imagination... We're only perceiving a small part of reality. There is so much more beyond our limited scope of perception and understanding. I wish we as humans could collectively be less arrogant and understand that we know nothing.
I think a lot about collective consciousness, our massive collective soul. All living things, and dead, are part of it. And our reality might not be the only one, even though it subjectively feels like it is.
I quite like the open-endedness of not knowing. It feels freeing to admit I don't have a clue why we're here.
Existing is amazing though isn't it? We have bodies. We can taste things and jump and spin and giggle and see colors and hear music and love each other. We have little hairs that stand up when we get goosebumps. Everything we do is so weird and cool. It's cool being alive.
- 2023-02-01