I made an observation recently. I was using a vr app with N, but there were audio issues. But we still had visuals and avatars worked fine, so I told him to wave if he can hear me. He waved. I asked yes or no questions: Are you trying to talk? His avatar nodded. Ok let's try restarting. Meet you back here in 2 minutes. Nod. Problem solved.
A few weeks later there were audio issues again, but this time on his end. But he got stuck in a loop and couldn't resolve it. I hoped he'd ask yes or no questions so I could respond, but instead he just kept repeating himself over and over: "I can't hear you. I don't know if you're talking or not. It's not working. I don't know why it's not working. I don't know if you can hear me."
He went on like this for 15 minutes. Made no effort to communicate with sign language as I had. Didn't occur to him to ask yes or no questions. I yelled and waved my avatar hands wildly but he wouldn't look at me. I gave up and logged off.
Wow it was just like our marriage. If the issue was on my end, I'd find a creative solution and resolve it. But if the issue was on his end, it just... repeated and repeated and repeated and he didn't listen to me till I gave up on repeating myself, and left.
I can figure out creative solutions for many things, but I can't physically run someone else's brain for them.
If one of us is deaf and the other blind, that'd still be ok because there are infinite ways to communicate. But at least try and meet me halfway. Meet me anywhere. I delight in bridging gaps.
M and I started our relationship not being able to speak each other's language at all. For a year we figured out alternative ways to communicate, pointing, drawing, songs, charades, etc. It was fun and intellectually challenging! We met each other halfway. It bonded us, and now we both speak each other's languages including the ones we created together.
I hate you, Addiction, for stealing the souls of my lily-livered loves. 3
- 2023-03-27