I'm pregnant. So this explains the emotions. And the throwing up in the morning and sudden aversion to the smells of specific foods.
My whole life I've been close with my dad and loved him very very much and I thought he loved me too. After he divorced my mom we became even more close because I was extremely supportive, always, with trips and positive affirmations and hikes and talks, and checking on him regularly to see if everything was okay.
I told my dad I'm pregnant and he didn't respond. It's really hurtful. I texted him again asking for a family heirloom back which I'd given him back to keep safe a few years ago after an ex destroyed my apartment in a drunk rage. And you know, I'm starting to understand where my choice in men originated. All my life I believed I had the good kind of dad. It's deeply disappointing in the most heart-hurty way to discover in my late thirties that he is not who I thought he was, borders on sociopath, and is in fact a deadbeat grandpa who doesn't care about his own blood. I feel betrayed and abandoned.
I believe I'm being punished because I think he has developed an image of me as my mother's daughter now that he bought a house with his girlfriend. We used to talk weekly, but when she arrived on the scene it dwindled to once every couple months or so. I can't tell if it's him thats being codependent or her being controlling or if it has nothing to do with her and maybe he's just cold, or really is the narcissist my mom said he was. I believe her now, and am feeling repentant for not being there enough for my mom throughout my life and taking sides with my dad. Clearly I was a bad judge of character. Add this to the growing list of things I'll need to discuss when I go back to therapy. *sad eyeroll*
9:49 a.m. - 2018-03-21