Well, I'm trapped in a studio apartment with a man almost a decade younger than me, so, I definitely miss being alone, when every statement I make wasn't seen as an opportunity to argue. I don't know how many more college degrees I need to have before men actually stop challenging every word I say. If a masters degree isn't enough to convince men with high school diplomas -- or elementary school diplomas (!!!) -- then I guess you could say women are considered as less than equal to an elementary school boy. Surely I have nothing useful to offer intellectually compared with men with no education and half the adult life experience -- because I have a vagina. Because I can create life.
Male confidence is incredib --
-ly delusional.
I think men hate that I feel entitled to respect. Even with all their arrogance, they must realize rationally that I might actually be more qualified than them. This is why I prefer not having conversations with men. I've had better conversations with walls. But, they have inspired and strengthened my feminism. A lot.
I'm still annoyed that I had to block the other alcoholic in order to avoid his drunk argumentative messages. (What was he ever even arguing about?) It sucks because I know that beneath his anger is a sad little boy who lacks the self awareness to understand what drives his need to charge angrily at anything that moves. He's the abused unwanted child of an addict pimp, and a prostitute who didn't have a choice. Of COURSE he's like this. It still sucks though. But his suffering is not my fault, and when someone doesn't respect my boundaries, the time comes when I need to just walk away.
I had sex last night and already regret it. I didn't want to that much but I was stoned in order to tolerate being stuck indoors with him and he seemed like he really really needed it and I thought maybe it would help things be harmonious so I was like, fine. He kept doing annoying things to interrupt the mood and the annoyances didn't stop until I was on top and then I came and was like, okay. I could have achieved the same on my own without man sweat rubbing against me and without a used condom and tissues being left on my coffee table, but okay.
I just miss being alone and having my apartment to myself and not worrying about my ass being grabbed every time I try to do anything. And argued with any time I say anything. No wonder so many women go insane. By the way, he defended a rapist today. And defended Trump. I can't deal anymore with men defending bad men.
I'm grateful for my education (even if it counts for nothing in the eyes of men), grateful for my cat who kisses better than men and is more cute, and grateful that I CAN be alone if I choose -- granted I'd need to be a bit of a sociopath to kick him out on the street right now, but still. We're not married or anything thank Goddess. It could be worse. I can't wait till he finds a job so I can have my apartment back.
11:25 a.m. - 2020-10-02