Guys like to tell me I'm distant or have walls or assume I'm not interested and then reappear four years later asking me why a relationship didn't happen and then tell me I'm avoidant because they made themselves available.
Then I have to explain to them I'm not fast. They can't have one or two dates with me and expect a marriage. Just because we had a great time doesn't mean I'm ready to move in with them. Intimate bonds take time. I'm a slow woman. Trust is earned. They think they can win me over after buying me a couple drinks and that's the end of their effort. I'm not playing "hard to get." I'm just sitting here being content with life, so if they want me they'll have to actually do something about it I guess. Make me want to leave my house. Make it worth my time. I'm more lazy than avoidant. Getting ready for a date takes time and I don't want to waste makeup and razors on someone if they're gonna just give up five minutes later. It's not even an expectation. I don't mind if they prefer someone easier.
One guy I dated (and liked) said I was breaking his heart because my laundry machine broke and I couldn't see him because I was getting that fixed. I guess he assumed I was lying? I never heard from him again. If he didn't believe me, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life persuading him I was telling the truth and needing to coddle his ego all the time. Maybe he just had a really low self esteem. I don't know. He was cute. But if canceled plans due to a broken washing machine is all it takes to give up on me... then he's probably not the one.
There's been a lot of situations like that. I shrug them off and move on. Then later they're like "Why didn't we end up together?" Well, because you didn't call me anymore probably.
Men.
Actually, the one who suggested that I'm "not interested" because they're "too available" is probably projecting. Because he probably likes me because he perceives me as unavailable.
I'm just not very interested in men. I like the idea of a relationship but when a man is in front of me I feel like I have to get fall down drunk before I can tolerate the sight of a penis. I'd say I'm gay, but I'm not often infatuated by women either anymore. I think I'm just a used up dried up hag now. :)
I want sex when I'm ovulating and before menstruation. Other than that I'm very meh about it. I feel like I'm wasting mens' time and I don't get why they seem to want me to waste their time when it's pretty obvious they're not going to get much action out of me. Why would they want someone so sexually unavailable as me.
And I don't want to get married or live with anyone either. So what's left then? All I have to offer is deep loyal platonic friendship. Which then ends up with them using me as a free therapist to complain about their girlfriends who love them, at which point I discover I dodged a bullet by not dating them. Or, they call me up when they're horny because, I don't know, they enjoy being rejected apparently.
9:06 a.m. - 2021-03-30