I know I promised myself to start using my diary in a healthier way and quit using it as a repository for verbal diarrhea, but the Alcoholic has been in ICU for four days, with diabetes complications. The doctor said if he hadn't made it to the hospital, within two hours he'd be dead.
We'd been checking in very briefly once a day until he vanished again early this week. I assumed he got drunk and lost his phone, which happens every month. His hospital text came from a new phone number. He was admitted to ICU after 2 am.
It's funny how if a thing happens often enough, you stop being affected by it emotionally. I didn't cry or get mad at his disappearance several days ago. Although I did become more obsessed by this song by Lhasa de Sela, called Love Came Here, which I've been singing soulfully ever since because it fully encapsulates my mood. I also danced to it which was very therapeutic. The song was released one year before her death.
There is no end to this story.
No final tragedy or glory.
Love came here and never left.
Now that my heart is open,
It can't be closed or broken.
Love came here and never left.
Now I'll have to live with loving you forever,
although our days of living life together,
of living life together
are over.
There's nothing here to throw away.
I came to you in light of day
And love came here and never left
And love came here and never left...
4:17 p.m. - 2021-04-16