I feel like now would be a good moment to focus on what I'm grateful for, since it's felt like an anxiety attack in slow motion for several weeks now, and my worries only seem to increase.
I'm grateful for the present moment, while everyone I love is alive and well. Now is as good a time as any to let them know how much I love and appreciate them.
I'm grateful that I at least managed to get one dose in me and that I have the ability to remain pretty low risk, as long as I don't catch it in the hallways or elevator or window, or accidentally stick my finger in my eye or something.
I'm grateful I have a little weed to calm me down just for today because I was really really terrified. I don't think I'm the only one. But goodness. Two of my biggest fears are now staring me in the face simultaneously: Suffering long term cognitive impairment or mental illness as a result of mild or moderate covid, and, my dad dying. It's a lot at once. I'm doing my best with it. But honestly I'm very scared. I need to get my mind on something else but this is all I seem able to focus on lately.
I wake up in the middle of the night and worry about the next variant, and the next and the next. I wonder how long until I am barricaded in my own apartment building because the risk to exit the halls becomes too much. Will I be forced to move? Will I be able to move when that would require lots of risky interactions and paper signing and repetitive trips of moving furniture? Is there no way out? Will we all get it eventually and are all my precautions ultimately useless against this disease?
6:25 p.m. - 2021-08-02