I spent all day yesterday in the redwoods and mountains doing hippie stuff and it was magical and healing. I really needed it to recharge after one of my friends turned out to be more competitive than cooperative. i made the difficult decision to remove her negativity from my life, because i'm trying to be my best self here, and, when someone's putting you down all the time that's no good for anyone. i love her but hostility is not something i need. anyway, i was feeling really positive, woke up early, went hiking with my love, all was great. but in the morning he left in a bad mood, taking his anger out on me because he had wanted sex and i was sleeping. he apologized hours later but it kinda ruined my day. all this work i do to improve myself and it seems like the harder i try to move in a positive direction, the more people around me seem to be on the attack. i really feel they aren't necessarily bad people or necessarily acting out intentionally, we live in stressful times and all & i get that people have moods, but it's exhausting.
So, back to square one, I rest to put myself back together again. Saged the house, took a nap, cuddled the cat, did some reading, sipped a lightly spiked cocktail, listened to music, and now it's time to do my daily gratitude list, which I'm still gonna do, even though the website i used to do it on folded unexpectedly without saving anything i wrote. Ah, life. Despite setbacks I'm grateful today that even though it hurts to deal with others moods. At least I'm not the one whos flying off the handle lashing out at others, right? I'm grateful to be calm in the face of challenges. I'm also grateful that I've survived all these tests so far in life without any major addictions or handicaps. I'm also grateful as always to have clothes on my back, food in my belly, all material and physical needs cared for. I'm a little bummed and tired of humans at the present moment, but overall, my life is still good enough to find plenty of things to be grateful for.
8:17 p.m. - 2018-02-07