Marijuana is saving my life lately. Every time it hits I feel a little weight lifted and enjoy the ability to think of things other than my broken stupid heart. It's starting to work, the flames of the fake fire seem almost warm, music is playing in the background, and i don't feel the urgent need to cry. I cleaned the apartment and have been busying my hands creating to avoid going crazy. My music playlist is growing exponentially during long music discovery binges since being alone. It's quiet and clean and prettier than usual. Spending lots of time at home makes each area of my home an art installation. You'd never believe a wreck like me lives here the way I organize and endlessly edit each careful detail in decor.
Today I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful for music. Life would be so dull without it! I'm also thankful for having survived this long. I'm thankful that another's opinion of me doesn't define me. I'm thankful I heard my mom's voice on the phone the other night.
I think it's about time to move into a new house, a new environment, a place that matches more with my needs right now.
1:41 p.m. - 2018-03-07