i don't think it's coincidental that every time i leave town i'm happy, and every time i'm here for awhile i inevitably become depressed. There's now several environmental factors that I can never be comfortable with being around for any length of time. Everyone around me is depressed too and acting out in a variety of unhealthy ways some of which directly affect me.
The photographer really wants me to make amends with my bully because he doesn't understand what I went through so he keeps sending me memes about friendship and it's like... I was stabbed in the back by someone I trusted and supported 100% and treated like shit by this person, every day, and never once lost my cool or tried to get even, because, maturity. Why would I want to keep an abuser in my life? I blocked her for a reason. I know he probably means well but its very triggering and i've just wanted to erase him from my life because he's the only one connected to her.
So, I decided to just block him on instagram so I won't get any more surprise messages that make me cry. I'm sure he'll discuss it with her about how 'omg she blocked me too wow wtf' and all that but i don't care. I'd rather avoid the trigger & I already explained myself so if they want to gossip it's their life to spend the way they choose, and he can find another model if he has a problem with it because I don't need the money that badly.
7:41 p.m. - 2018-03-09