I must have slept 23 hours or more. I kept taking naps, waking up, not wanting to be awake, going back to sleep, over and over and over until I finally woke up not feeling afraid to be awake. Now I feel actually refreshed and like I can handle feelings and see things clearly. So, note to self, next time just sleep all the pain away, no matter how many naps it takes.
Today I'm grateful for extreme napping, daylight savings, and my cat who stayed by my side the whole time. Best napping buddy in the universe.
Oh and my ex said "fuck you" to me today because I said I wasn't sure about sex until we talk first. Yeah, he's that bad. I handled it really well though, and when he arrived at the door I just said I made other plans when I didn't hear back (because he ignored me and got real cold after he thought he wasn't getting sex.) I told him calmly that I'm trying to do everything he wants but he changes his mind so often I can't keep up because I'm not fast enough, and apologized, and invited him to join my friend and I for brunch if he'd like. Yes, even after he said 'fuck you' and 'you're crazy.' For having self respect. I didn't tell him but I'm getting comfortable with the idea of not seeing him again. Feeling strong today. Obviously I'm doing better without him than he is doing without me.
5:45 p.m. - 2018-03-10