Just a side note if anyone actually reads this...
This is my place to release all my feelings so that I can be a reasonably sane and functional adult in real life. It's the only place I can vent with brutal honesty without fear of judgment or backlash of any kind. It's a place to get it all out in words in the heat of an argument so that I won't say or do things I regret to people in my life. I write here instead of rage-texting, instead of doing something impulsive, instead of drinking my weight in wine. It's like screaming into a pillow, with less noise so I don't irritate the neighbors.
I am a passionate human. There's a lot inside me and if I didn't write or express myself in all the ways I do, I'd either boil over or become inconsolably depressed forever. And I don't want that to happen.
Writing, even when it's just me complaining about the miseries of being human, helps me stay strong in the battle for a good life. I'll be okay. This is just how I work through issues, and the process is messy but its the best way I know to self-analyze. I always dive into the darkest depths before emerging back into the sunlight victoriously with the pearl.
Today I'm grateful for outlets like this that allow me to therapeutically discard my daily baggage anonymously so that I don't humiliate myself on social media or in public. I guess a lot of people use twitter or facebook to complain about life but I prefer the method that doesn't broadcast it to my 300+ social connections.
Call me old fashioned but I think it's more honorable to keep negativity relatively contained when possible, because when I'm in social situations, I want to give as much light as possible. I want the people I care about to feel good with me. I want them to be inspired. I want to influence them in a positive way and then I want for them to spread that light all over the fucking world because the world needs it.
Also I'm probably going to get a new diary because it's time for a fresh start. I want to have more purpose in my writing. I want to exorcise my rambles in a more professional way about things that are larger than myself and my inner world. I am learning to be more of a warrior, but a warrior for the benefit of humankind, in my own small way. Even something small can make a ripple...
5:02 p.m. - 2018-06-08