Is there another existence possible in this lifetime that isn't spent crying about men treating me shitty?
What would it take to get so far away from this guy so he won't come back?
Do I need to move to New Zealand? I can stay there 6 months legally. Long enough to theoretically get over a person.
When I write that I cry but honestly why? It's not as if I'm losing something really precious. I'd only be losing something that makes me miserable more often than not.
I'm getting stronger but I worry its at the expense of my heart and my ability to love.
I feel like a desperate heroin addict, but it's my addiction to an emotionally abusive relationship that I wish to quit. I worry I'll never be strong enough to get through the withdrawal period of a break up in order to have a good life again.
I'm getting too old for this. The musician was right, it's exhausting. Why am I still here? I'm not really afraid to be alone like other people. But when left alone and grieving from a dead relationship I'm likely to become depressed and that can get pretty dangerous because I lose the will to eat unless someone is around basically force feeding me.
I can either get therapy, or buy plane tickets to at least ensure me and the source of my pain are physically unable to get back together. Because I feel like therapy is something I'll be tempted to discuss with him because it will make me think about him more.
I was on such a positive progression before I got sick BECAUSE OF A BOY.
So if I ever get healthy enough to socialize with friends again, I'm going to prioritize the hell out of that. 2nd place is women who want to date women. Men are last on the list because nothing good ever comes from loving them.
3:20 p.m. - 2018-06-08