I need to be far more proactive about who I mix worlds with and what I allow my curious mind to see. We are what we consume. We are the ones we love.
I need to connect more with my ancestors and less with the living who attempt to put me in boxes to make themselves more comfortable. I need to think more about my own comfort. I need less ego-based decisions, friendships, lovers, etc. I need to stop searching for depth in the shallows, then complaining when I don't find it. If I want depth, I gotta go there, instead of passively analyzing and wishing.
I need to be far away from anyone who tells me what I should or shouldn't do when its obvious their motivations are more about rebellion against personal traumas than they are about the greater good.
I need to remember always that I am human and imperfect, but that I can still create my own beautiful world and immerse myself in that, live it, breathe it, until I become my own divine creation.
I don't want to settle anymore, for anything. I might have to hurt some feelings in order to move forward, but it's part of the process of growth. I have to trust that when I take a leap, I'll land on solid ground. I want to go for what feels good in my soul. If its messy for a little while, so be it. I can still do my best. I can still crawl out of my prison and into the sun. I owe no one anything. But all I have given will return to me in other forms.
There are things I have to share that I need to share. I need to stop hiding and share my gifts. Not for others, but for me, because these things nourish my time and my character, and result in all kinds of opened doors and new experiences that I need to live while I'm still here on Mother Earth.
I'm going to make a list of what would make me a happier person.
- safe private outdoor space
- quiet surroundings
- live near enough to visit friends but not live IN the city.
- join entirely new community where I feel supported rather than competed against
- daily routine involving some combination of physical activity, nature, and creativity
- dog
- get that tattoo finally
- legit career that doesn't feel like capitalist bullshit. do something meaningful that i can believe in.
- have my talents and values recognized. be praised for something. because it feels good.
i'm tired of making a list, i'm going to go do something else now. have a good day. I actually care if you do.
2:25 p.m. - 2019-08-29