When other people make plans with me, they almost always flake, or something comes up, or in extreme cases they forget and don't even answer their phone. It used to upset me but now I laugh. I was flaked on yesterday, the week before that, and the week before that, all summer, and three pride festivals in a row. Once two different people said they wanted to go to an event so I bought 3 tickets. Then BOTH canceled and I was stuck with a huge bill because it was too last minute to sell them. I can't even take people seriously anymore.
I'd assume they hate me but...they'll actively pester me for days, weeks, months to see me, but when the day finally arrives ... Crickets? At least sometimes I get a reasonable excuse. (After I'm dressed, driving there, purchased tickets, or waited for hours.
My therapist had said it's addict behavior to flake. That I should find people who follow through with their commitments. Obviously. But, where? It's literally almost everyone. Even my family. So maybe it's not everyone else, maybe the problem is me? Maybe I'm everyone's backup plan or second choice? Maybe no one respects me. I wondered if I'm overly available, but I almost always say no to invites unless I'm 100% certain, because I don't want to cancel like everyone else.
I have only one person who is consistently reliable. So at least, I have one. One is better than zero! He's an ex, but apparently I'm in no position to be picky. (Actually, the reason we separated was when he started being unreliable, because of some personal things he was going through.
So I'll assume everyone is just going through personal problems to the point where they're barely socially functioning. I've been there, so I can accept that. I meditate now and did mountains of inner work, and I can grasp that the way people treat me usually has more to do with how they treat themselves. I don't need to take it personal. It's just information.
I can't predict when people flake, but I can put a limit on how long I wait, always have a plan B, or just say no if I think I'll be annoyed if they cancel. I can control how I react. I can choose whether or not to keep them in my life.
So now I'm attempting to plan a group event rather than passively relying on flaky invites that cancel anyway. It's a bold move. This event will cost money, and there's a chance everyone will flake. If so, I'll go anyway and have a fucking blast. Maybe I'll last minute invite one of my alcoholic lovers to toast in the jacuzzi. They're almost always available... Or I can toast to myself, for the fact that I am fortunate enough to show up for life and enjoy it, whether socially, or alone with the peace and gratitude of my own inner universe.
8:12 a.m. - 2020-02-28