Men who pretend like they're there for me, aren't. I already learned this lesson. It has repeatedly punched me in the face for decades. They talk a lot about love, but what do their actions show?
Better to choose loneliness than abuse or deliberate neglect. I have to hide myself in a box in order to be safe from others. Will I ever outgrow the feeling of disappointment or the feeling that I deserve better or that people can do better if they just try?
Better to have given up on love than to continuously ram my horns into the wall trying to get an ounce of understanding. Better to put in nothing than waste all my energy on something that gives back nothing and leaves me exhausted. Alone is neutral. Men create loss. And destroy, and hate, and murder... We shouldn't let them run around ruining the planet and killing people but we enable it.
I have nothing to show for all my years of misery with men. From it I learned only how to avoid them to be desired, how to lose the best parts of myself, how to dumb down, how to make myself silent, how to disappear.
11:18 a.m. - 2020-06-26