He left! I'm free!
I just made a couchsurfing account for him "just in case" and told him how it works and showed him how cheap hostels are and a little while later he got dressed and said he was going to meet his friend so I said okay bring your stuff. It was understood so we didn't have to say more and he didn't argue so I guess he's okay with it. I had to wait a few hours in uncomfortable silence while he stalled leaving. Apparently his friend didn't respond. Where are all the friends he abandoned me for and lied to me about all the times before? Hopefully they turn up because I'm probably just gonna keep my phone on do-not-disturb.
I waited all day for this. Finally, silence. Finally I can eat, and not be grabbed. Finally I don't need to be stressed.
I hope I can focus on myself again without worrying about what happens to him. At this point I had become so desperate to be alone, I felt like whatever, leave the country, I don't care anymore, just let me be alone please.
I'm thankful that was resolved without conflict. I didn't even tell him he needed to leave today or anything.
I shouldn't celebrate too early though. There's still a chance he'll call me in need of help, and you know me, always trying to help even if it kills me. Maybe he'll end up just taking a short walk and we'll miss each other or something. Well whatever ultimately happens, I'm just so so happy to have my sacred sanctuary back, where the only moods I need to worry about are my own.
4:20 p.m. - 2020-08-19