he somehow magically got a facebook account just to message me that he will die in the streets if i don't talk to him. (so, basically same threat as always.) i told him i don't want to talk but if he tells me what he needs i'll put his stuff in a bag for him. why am i solely responsible for his destiny? i owe nothing to any man who makes me feel unsafe and who has used threats like this to manipulate me for years. i am done playing mom. i will protect my need for solitude, health, and safety, no matter how much he tries to manipulate me by acting like a forever helpless child instead of a grown ass man.
Happy memories:
when i flew solo for a couple days in portugal and drank port at the hotel and shopped alone and dined alone at a back table and all the portuguese men were gentlemen (well except the homeless one who tried to attack me and made some obscene gestures in my face.) sitting with my face toward the sun in the balcony overlooking the sidewalks of lisbon. the kind hostel employee who shared personal stories about his family history and said if i return to portugal, i return not as a tourist but as a friend. the portuguese shop worker who played my music on the company speaker and told me i was gifted or something like that. the portuguese young woman who led me in the direction of the temple of the Goddess and told me a bit about her small town and the town she was originally from. i loved it there.
Today's affirmation:
Solitude is self care that is worth fighting for.
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
self sacrifice
I am grateful for:
my new zero tolerance policy for invaders of my peaceful sanctuary of solitude and autonomy, the sudden increased affection of my cat now that we're alone and safe again.
The person I am becoming will experience more:
RUTHLESS SOLITUDE and I fucking mean it this time. I am making a vow and promise to myself and I will honor myself by KEEPING THAT CONTRACT WITH MYSELF.
I accomplished:
meditated, journaled, slept well, did the right thing for myself by protecting my peaceful home, my sovereignty, and my mental health
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
bid adieu to the past
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
that I am progressing, slowly but surely.
2:39 p.m. - 2020-08-23