The weather has been so beautiful and I have no one to be my bodyguard so i feel safe in public enjoy it with. My only social options are either unreliable cripplingly depressed friends, or men who want to fuck. Or, I can visit my dad, who is quality company, but two hours away, and I have such a fear of getting him sick, and now every interaction with my dad includes his wife who is kind of a ball of stress. Nevermind, I'll just play it safe with my animals indoors today.
The Alcoholic texted from yet another new number last night. Who knows how he did that with no money. He apparently found some friends to help him. That's nice, where were his friends the whole time he was telling me I was the only one who could help him? I figured if I blocked him he'd find a way, and he did.
I had a long dream about a big reunion with my mom's family. It was kind of nice, even though I don't feel like I have much in common with them. But they do know how to have fun. I wonder if I should reach out to people more. I'm very passive that way. I never randomly contact people. I just respond when they contact me. Maybe that makes people think I don't care, even though that's not true at all.
Happy memories:
before all the fucking construction noise
Today's affirmation:
LIFE IS WHAT I MAKE IT
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
Repeating yesterday's because I like it: I would like to completely block out my awareness of the existence of men. I'd like their dms to not phase me because I don't even notice. To quote The Craft: "You don't exist to me!"
I am grateful for:
sleep, dreams, animals, plants, clean air, food, books, baths, incense, memories of adventures
The person I am becoming will experience more:
art, learning, music, dance, culture, LAUGHING
I accomplished:
yoga! meditation, journaling
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
honor my sacred solitude and my sacred time
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
like I'm doin the best I can
8:44 a.m. - 2020-10-16