I dreamed I was camping in a big RV at one of the mysterious places I always dream of with a lake. I was with an interesting combination of friends, my mom (who always seems calm but disoriented in my dreams now, as if she's sleepwalking, or like a small lost child), and an elderly nazi from germany, who my guy friend insisted was cool, but I chose not to interact with.
I woke up early because my animals were being noisy and the battery of my noise canceling headphones died after a very long day and night of sirens and helicopters. I woke up wondering if 7:30 am would be too early to have an edible. My brain answered, 'yes, yes it is too early to have an edible.' So, I made coffee instead.
I'm running low on food so I'll need to be creative about meals until my next delivery which I'll probably order tomorrow, because I avoid getting groceries on sundays because it's a peak day, which I learned from the fuckboy who worked at whole foods, so I guess I gained something from that experience? He has been trying to politely slide into my dms. I don't know how to feel about men anymore. I don't even know how to feel about people anymore.
I should not have read the news yesterday, but my neighborhood is a battleground for political melodramas, and I wanted to know why helicopters were circling day and night and why there was a constant flow of sirens. The news revealed that adults (men) have devolved into high school style fist fights, and also that counter protesters have defensive armies with matching shields and helmets, and I can't figure out if we are all just playing war for dramatic spectacle and to fancy ourselves as heroic, or if any of this will result in a desirable outcome so we can "win" against the bad guys. Either way, there was a lot of yelling, and I am tired and getting too old for this shit. I wish everyone would calm their asses down and read some books. I want things to change too, but I can't help but feel like some people get an erection from pretending to be revolutionaries - on both sides. Or am I just jaded from four long years of hellish news and endless parades of noise outside? A little peace would be nice.
Happy memories:
the day Obama won and everyone was happy and high fiving strangers in the street and banging pots and pans
Today's affirmation:
LIFE IS WHAT I MAKE IT
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
Informing myself of the news. :/
I am grateful for:
that all the hyped up testosterone fighters of yesterday finally tired themselves out and must have slept in today or went to church or something because it is finally quiet, thank fucking Goddess
The person I am becoming will experience more:
arts, learning, music, dance, culture, LAUGHING. I want to live like a one-woman bohemian renaissance 24/7.
I accomplished:
meditation, journaling, cleaned
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
honor my sacred solitude and my sacred time, productively, and filter out the garbage so I only put beautiful things in my mind.
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
alive still
8:14 a.m. - 2020-10-18