A crazy homeless woman punched my car at a stoplight, and it stressed him out. An hour later I brought my cutest pet over to him to see if it would calm him, but he didn't even want to pet her. So now I need to deal with his mood on top of the crazy car assaulter's mood. I have a really nice support system, as you can see. Oh well. Men are useless to me. I think we already established this a very long time ago. Nothing new. I've always needed to be emotionally independent. If someone actually soothed me I am not sure I'd even know how to react because it almost never happens.
So I guess it's just you and me, diary. I took an edible and am sipping a watered down cocktail and am writing here to process everyone's moods, including my own I guess.
Man, I wish people had more self control over their moods. It's ridiculous. I feel like I am surrounded by emotional toddlers, in the street, on social media, in my home, everywhere. I definitely understand the inspiration behind the moods, I have them too, I just don't understand why everyone needs to emote so outwardly. It just seems so immature, and yet so common. Do they not have diaries, lol.
At least he said he needs alone time instead of throwing a big tantrum like he normally would. I think the only reason he didn't is because he saw how utterly insane it looks when someone in the street does it. He had a glimpse in the mirror. And also because he knows if he doesn't control himself he'll be back on the street too.
Life's weird. Not sure that eating an edible and drinking a cocktail counts as coping, but, I just prefer to not deal with bullshit today. Mama needs a break. I'd probably like to be alone too, but, I can't because of someone else's lack of responsibility so whatever. It's not anything I'm not accustomed to or can't handle. I unwittingly became the adoptive mother of my boyfriend 7 years ago and now I'd rather absorb his consequences than watch him die in the streets. Life's unfair. Whatever. I get to be the "bigger person" or something. Yay.
I hope I don't one day just suddenly go batshit from letting everyone else emote like children while I keep my emotions to myself since they just seem like they can't handle as much as I seem to be able to. I really worry when I start thinking everyone is crazy because that sounds a little too much like 'I'M normal, it's EVERYONE ELSE who has the problem' because that sounds crazy too.
Yesterday I did get pretty pissed off at him, but I think we came to a fair solution afterward. I'm tired of all the negotiations required for daily existence when sharing my small space with another person but it appears I've agreed to accept this challenge for the time being. Living with him feels a little bipolar, but I'll live I guess.
7:46 p.m. - 2020-09-28