Now I am reaping the rewards of my cooking labors. I'm spoiling myself with a feast every day and I'm having a lot of fun with it, creatively and gluttonously. Maybe not having sex or going out has enhanced my enjoyment of the senses, such as taste and scents. I'm finding a lot of satisfaction in simple pleasures. It's also a good way to give myself love, when I open the freezer or fridge and see the fantastic array of home-cooked meals I gifted myself.
I'm glad to be married to myself. No man has ever cooked a five course meal just for me. Or made candles on the stovetop for me and thoughtfully poured them into old amber glasses so that I can enjoy candlelit dinners, with the perfect music playlists to set the mood. I am my dream woman.
My relative from Other Country messaged me to tell me "te quiero." We've been in contact more than usual which is nice since I don't really have family here. Even though they live two plane flights away (direct flights there don't exist) it makes me feel supported to know that I have origins, and acceptance, despite often feeling othered due to everyone's wildly varying perceptions about multiethnic people who belong simultaneously everywhere and nowhere in some kind of limbo state without a solid community. They understand me, because they know my history. When you're out here all alone like I am, it's refreshing to know you have love strong enough to be felt from 2,500 miles away. Pandemic has actually bridged the distance, because everyone can only communicate non physically anyway, so they're equally as remote as the friends in my city who I also haven't seen in person for awhile.
I rather enjoy being an untouchable ghost with total sovereignty over my daily reality.
12:54 p.m. - 2020-12-06