Just after my meditation as I was beginning to fall asleep I remembered last night's dream:
I was walking somewhere with my friend. Then I saw my maternal grandmother, who died 25 years ago. She had been looking directly at me the whole time from across the room, smiling at me, in a profound way. I stopped in my tracks, immediately stopped talking and told my friend "That's my grandma. I have to go see her." I walked toward my grandma, her eyes and mine in an unbroken gaze the entire time I walked toward her. She hadn't waved me down or spoken, but her demeanor intuitively told me, she'd been expecting me.
She looked incredible, like a priestess. Her eyes were VIVID green, different than they had been in life, and she hadn't taken them off me for even a moment. She took my hands and held them clasped together in hers and didn't let go the entire time. She had some sort of crown, and I think, flowers around her hair, which was neatly and elaborately arranged. She wore all black with elegant expensive looking sparkling embroidery, unlike anything I ever saw her wear before. She stood with authority, like she was someone very important in the universe, and I can't remember what we said to each other or if there were words at all, but her smile was all-knowing, and the intense gaze between her eyes and mine felt so powerful...
I felt like she was proud of me? But not in the way humans are proud. It went beyond 'I'm happy to see you. Look at you, all grown up.' It was more like, a connection to someone very powerful, a matriarchal guardian figure of divine status, who'd been waiting for me to find her. Her presence was ethereal, and regal. I sensed she understood everything in the universe, everything, without effort. Her smile was permanent, an infinite smile of ultimate peace. It was as if she was royalty in a sense, and was giving me her blessings in a way. I felt safe and protected. Her smile said: 'I've been waiting for you. Now you finally know who I really am. You are mine and we are connected. I've been here watching all along and I am holding your hand. You are here now. I'm glad you made it.'
I didn't feel afraid at all. I was in the capable hands of my grandmother. And clearly, she was someone very special, and seemed to be conveying that as her granddaughter, I was special too, or maybe on my way to understanding something greater than before. Like I was finally ready, or graduating, or about to begin something big, or something. And she was with me, holding my hands, smiling, watching, present, always.
12:19 a.m. - 2020-12-06