Finally received word from the Alcoholic. He's been busy buying stolen liquor from homeless people and peddling it on the streets. Guess he quit another job. He says he's doing it so he won't live on the streets, and I was like, 'you chose to live on streets because you got angry that I paused a movie to pee...'
Then he was like: "It's ok to be angry if you don't like to see me doin money... you like to do this when i'm doin little good it's like you don't like to see me doin my life good."
Okay. That's really sad.
He went on to blame his "crazy" roommate for everything. I asked him how his free therapy phone session went. He didn't answer that question. He obviously flaked.
This all gives me renewed relief and validation about being alone.
Sobergoth does his covid blood test today so either he's positive or we can see each other. But after this morning's exchange with the Alcoholic I feel like I'd rather continue having nothing to do with men at all. Despite a pleasant conversation with Sobergoth, I had to explain to this 40 year old man what ovulation was, and why it's not a good idea to have unprotected sex during it. And he was struggling to understand a couple of the women he'd been with who sounded totally rational to me and I just... I'm sort of tired of attempting to explain things to men who won't understand anyway. Men are kids and I don't want kids.
I also received some barely intelligible drunk late night texts from R asking to lick me or something.
WOW! What a turn on... Hahahasdfghjkl;tftgsh;gkdhfgkgh I give up.
Friends and pets are better. One of my friends hasn't responded to two meme texts in two days. I don't know if I should worry or if she's just taking a tech break. I'll give it a week before checking in again, and if she still doesn't reply then I'll worry. I also noticed a friend who is usually very chipper on facebook hasn't replied to anything on her timeline since september which is unusual for her. She works for the embassy though, so maybe she's just on high alert because of politics. I don't know whether to worry about her too. A lot of people seem to be either in manic denial or engaging in dramatic public displays of despair with little in between, and probably both options are valid brain-protecting mechanisms in a crisis like this. I often emotionally detach by observing and being fascinated by the psychology of it all, because if I don't I get sucked into the tragedy of the story and dragged underwater instead of riding the waves.
This weekend through inauguration will likely amplify anxieties so I'll have to work a little harder at staying occupied offline, eat well, give my body the yoga it wants, do my gratitude lists, craft, and meditate a little extra. Pretty sure I'll have several days in a row of helicopters overhead (they're already doing that) and hopefully nothing worse than that. I will be heeding the FBI's recommendation to stay the fuck home due to batshit domestic terrorist threats, with podcasts and music in my ears, sipping tea, daydreaming. What else can one do but make the best of it while grown ass men run around in the streets playing war like children do because they don't know how to solve problems using their brains.
11:03 a.m. - 2021-01-14