Advice about social anxiety always seems to assume we have anxiety because we're afraid of being judged, and need to work on our supposedly pathetic self esteems. It's like no, no, you misunderstood. I'm not afraid of being judged, I'm afraid of being killed.And I'm afraid I'd be killed or physically victimized because they are crazy or very dumb.
Experience has shown me that there are people who may appear okay on the surface but at any moment without warning they could harm you or themselves, and people you trust might turn out to be dangerous. There have been many times I thought I was safe, and it turned out I wasn't at all.
Since we're in a global pandemic and the economy is fucked and no one yet has received checks, I find it harder to trust. I'm scared to let anyone in my apartment because they might put a gun to my head and rob me, or rape and kill me, or even just use me and break my heart. Reading the news makes me too paranoid to love. And it sucks. But it also doesn't suck, because I am safe alone indoors and reasonably contented, except for apparently being a free therapy hotline for horny men I don't trust.
2:56 p.m. - 2021-01-23