I don't know what to say when people ask me what happened to my friend who disappeared last year, just one week after being all lovey dovey and the next week seemingly hell bent on picking a fight out of nowhere. This has happened for years. Every time she disappears people ask me where she went, asking me where her social media accounts disappeared to, as if I am her mother. I don't know? Why don't they text her directly and ask? I assume by her behavior that she wants to be left alone. I wasn't too worried because she has a supportive girlfriend, but then the girlfriend posted something about getting rid of toxic loves and giving her love to those who deserve it in 2021, so... Dunno. It's none of my business and I don't want to get involved. She has a loving mom and sister. I'm sure she'll be fine.
The same thing with the Alcoholic. ALL of his sisters frantically messaged me after he abandoned me this fall. I guess he was ignoring their calls and messages too. What I didn't like is how they seemed to blame me for his natural tendency to flee at random times, from me, family, friends, and all the jobs he just walked off of in a fit of rage instead of having the courtesy to give two weeks notice, or at least communicate that he was quitting. No, he prefers to keep everyone on edge wondering if he's dead, deliberately ignoring any and all pleas to simply let us know one way or the other. About a year and a half ago, one of his bosses left a concerned voicemail saying she was going to report him missing to the police. I understand the impulse to flee, but he drags it out so long it just looks like he's deliberately doing it to make people worry, before reappearing as if nothing happened the next time he needs something.
Very not coincidentally, same deal with my mom and my brother. Maybe it's not just me forming trauma bonds and this is just something lots of people do. I don't know. But it seems like a pattern of mine to form attachments like these. Trying to be more conscious of my half of the pattern, to figure out what that is trying to tell me about my own needs, or if it's more of a comfortable familiarity thing, because I miss my mentally ill addict mom and brother, even though I eventually had to cut ties because they were so unpredictable and respected zero boundaries. Sigh. Mental healthcare in this country could be better...
12:56 p.m. - 2021-02-11