A lot of people who knew me before pandemic might be very surprised by how quickly I changed during pandemic, because a whole segment of friends only knew me as fun adventure-loving drinking dancing friend. Overnight I reverted back to the person I used to be before the party years: just a nerd. I'm nothing if not adaptable.
Speaking of party phases, last night I dreamed the famous band visited again, well, a couple of the original members, and we talked about the old days and how things are different now. E, who used to be quite the fuckboy, taking full advantage of his fame, said he hopes he doesn't become like Y, an old man chasing after women. I asked how Y has been. He said he was heartbroken over some other girl now.
It wasn't an unrealistic dream. I saw how they changed over the years, from party mode every day to S learning his lesson and quitting women and alcohol when I saw him again backstage at the last show I attended. T had become negative and paranoid the last time he met me in the city. P was always cool and stayed grounded. I was happy to see him starting to paint again the last time he visited. Y seems to be quarantining at home with his wife and family like he should have been doing all along instead of being a dirty old man. (I'll never forget how a young woman warned other women about his rapey tendencies on a fan forum, and how it was quickly deleted by admin, a decade before #metoo...) I learned a lot about men from them.
But despite everything, it was an adventure, no one let me die on that tour bus, and overall I really did have a lot of fun. But then their manager gradually fired all the women and replaced them with white men, and they lost so much of what they stood for. I definitely knew them at their peak, when they were still cool, when they still appreciated everything.
I remember when we pulled into E's luxurious home in the middle of the desert and everyone was so excited! He had a pool and torches lit and gorgeous clean modern interior beyond what anyone else could afford. What a beautiful night that was...
I also remember stopping in L.A. to go to Y's friend's house, and we listened to his old records... Nina Simone I think, who I'd just gotten Y into. His friend had very agreeable taste but I remember him describing how beautiful Nina Simone's voice, but how ugly she was, and I thought to myself, only a man would say something dumb like that. We talked on his bed all night. He had mint colored walls with arched doorways. His house was nothing fancy. Most of their friends were very normal and humble. They were artists, not celebrities.
Those days seemed so magical! I remember the bus pulling into Denver, my first time seeing it, it was night and there were piles of snow downtown and a happy fun group of instant friends we made at a gallery after hours...
And the time me and C and D caravanned behind the bus and took turns driving all night and there was so much intimacy and depth and laughing and stories... Everyone got a McDonalds breakfast that morning and I think I was never so happy to eat shitty food and drink something that didn't have alcohol in it in my whole life.
And New Mexico, when I shared a vodka with Elijah Wood and Les Claypool outside in the desert night while waiting for the show to end. I guess it's ok to share their real names now. It's been years anyway. I liked the catered meals in the southwest because the food was good.
I can't believe I had access to all these things. Backstage at the Henry Rollins Show, behind the scenes at a photoshoot in Joshua Tree... It was all so ... surreal I guess. It was interesting. I felt like an undercover spy in a world few people get to see. And it made me decide I never want to be famous or successful at anything ever. LOL. Honestly though it would be fun to do some of those things again. Not the fame aspect necessarily but the traveling group of artists and rag tag bohemians that formed the community. The people were very smart, creative, and very very fun company. The energy and excitement was infectious.
I found a less famous local version of that a few years later and liked it better because they are better musicians honestly and most of them aren't obsessed with fame at all. They just wanna jam with friends and have a good time, and it always has been a good time with them. When it's safe to do so, they're all getting a big hug from me and we are going to dance ALL NIGHT.
I want to dig out the usb with all the old photos and videos and re-live all the nostalgic moments...
7:53 a.m. - 2021-02-23