Making this a separate entry because it's unrelated but something I remembered recently.
A couple years ago I was at the bar of a small neighborhood venue, and I was being hit on a lot while waiting for my turn to order a wine. When it was finally my turn, the bartender said to me, "I don't know who you are, but every single guy here has hit on you in the ten minutes I've been here." It was funny. I do remember being bothered a lot that night, but it's like that sometimes. It was probably one of the times when the Alcoholic abandoned me on some four day bender, so I probably made myself hot to make myself feel better. Actually I remember now, I was wearing a loose fitting vintage sequin black top that covered my shoulders and everything below the collarbone, and a red scarf headband. I should wear that again. I think it was also just that the venue is my second home and I always feel happy there, so I probably had that glowy positive energy about me. I dunno, I see myself every day and without all the sequins and scarves and makeup I'm not terribly exciting to look at. I just look tired and weird but I clean up nice.
I think if I was in that venue right now, in that warm room with my friends all jamming together, everyone smiling and high on music, I'd accept every drink offer and dance with everyone in there till my legs fall off. Such beautiful times. I'm glad it's the last place I went before lockdown.
Musicians (and all kinds of artists) are the best company. Ah, remember the night we formed an impromptu musical parade leaving the magical after party through the streets and into the park until 5 am? Marching on wet grass following the drum improvisations of multiple cultures delighting in how their rhythms sounded when fused together... I love fusions, because I am one. And the diversity of that group makes me feel like there's room for someone like me.
I like the term polyethnic better than "mixed race" which sounds like you have mixed feelings about it or like someone put you in a blender. I think using "ethnic" is better than "race" because race is a construct, but ethnicity is more varied and specific. Polyethnic feels like it's a choice you made to embrace all your ethnicities. I like that.
We should have more conversations about terminology we use about race. Like how the term "white passing" suggests multiethnic people should forget their roots and assimilate to the dominant culture. But then we fear being accused of appropriating our own ethnicity so we're standing in the middle like ?????????? It doesn't matter what you are, people only care what you look like. Colorism sucks.
It's a terrifying time to be polyethnic, because we don't have a community to run to with people who look like us, and we can feel attacked from all sides when we don't fully belong anywhere but at the same time can "pass" as the oppressor. It's awkward, uncomfortable, invalidating, painful, confusing, depressing, and anxiety-inducing.
9:02 a.m. - 2021-02-26