I dreamed I made a miner's lettuce salad and honey rose apple cider vinegarette and now I want to make it.
I also dreamed I was dating a friend from high school. That dream was a lot of witty conversation and romance, even though I wasn't exactly swept off my feet, but it was sweet anyway. Then Elijah Wood appeared at a party at his house dating someone different this time and we laughed when we saw each other again and I said, "You again."
Woke up to a "<3 you" text sent last night by the bartender. So I texted him back at 7:30 am "<3 you too."
Oh also, yesterday I read a bunch of studies about mental health and pandemic. Before pandemic, 1 in 5 Americans had a mental illness. Now it's 2 in 5. Younger people are experiencing more anxiety and depression than older people. Younger people are having a harder time managing emotions and coping with stress.
I think the older you are the more likely it is you've already had a variety of bad experiences under your belt, which gives some perspective, which helps. I used to have intense anxiety but I get a little less riled up about things the older I get. I'm just too tired to freak out as much as I used to and have learned that things tend to work themselves out in time. I guess when we're young everything seems so big and important because we haven't yet had enough experiences with other people to fully destroy our naive unconscious perception that we're the center of the universe, and we haven't yet developed enough of a world in our own minds to be self sufficient if we still expect someone to save us. Maturity makes life easier. All of this makes me look forward to aging and becoming masterfully chill.
Expert advice about staying sane in pandemic was helpful to read. I'm already doing some of the suggestions, like gratitude lists, meditation, 30 mins of physical activity each day, etc. Experts also say we should allow ourselves to break down now and then, that it's totally fine! I thought that was nice, and made me breathe a tiny sigh of relief for the more challenging moments of pandemic, like the depression phase I went through in fall after all the fires and relationship abandonment on top of everything else. And the weeks of anxiety and nervous drinking that preceded the election, when mental illness in the United States was at an all time high. And how I got through winter by basically being low level stoned all day. It's okay. I'm sober again now and I'm feeling strong again. Building my strength up again for whatever the next battle may be. Getting things in order so I'll have a cushion to fall back on the next time I feel overwhelmed.
One last thing. My dad did a little research and we learned that my ancestor four generations back was sentenced to death -- but the judge lightened the sentence and banished him to a different country instead. A decade or so later he fathered my great great great grandmother, who was born free and sailed over to my hemisphere on the other side of the planet where I live today. And look at me now, his descendant, being ALIVE. :)
8:07 a.m. - 2021-03-11