Must remind myself of the truth: I was happier before the Alcoholic, without love. Therefore I should be happier without him and not have these moments of saudade. I very much miss having happy times with him though. I can have them again if I want. With or without him.
But we should be at the beach together. Cuddling. Being silly. Being in awe of nature together. Telling stories. Well he's more of a teller than a listener. But I don't always mind. With other people I have to do all the explaining and storytelling and jokes. So it's nice sometimes to not have to, even if it's because he's self absorbed and has zero attention span. It's inadvertently symbiotic.But there's also major downsides. Such contrasts.
2:08 p.m. - 2021-03-30