It's Friday! Which means I get an entire weekend off from construction!
I have some fun snacks from my most recent delivery, so I also look forward to eating.
I'm playing pretend with the bartender that we're married and I think it helps keep us both sane. He left a very sweet voicemail for me last night. Some boys are alright sometimes.
The other day while driving I saw an elderly person on a stretcher with an oxygen mask being rolled into an ambulance. I see that sort of thing a lot in the city, but in plague times it has a different feel.
I don't know if I mentioned this already but a couple nights ago I dreamed I was in a forest clinging to a tree and woke myself up yelling "Everybody's dead!" Hope I didn't scare the neighbors. My cat was staring at me with a look of concern. For some reason every time I have a dream about death, I'm in a forest. I don't even know why I was yelling in the forest because as far as I could see no one else was around and nothing was happening.
Maybe my mind is exploring the old question: 'If a tree falls in a forest does it make a sound?' Maybe I'm asking myself if I exist if I am not perceived while in isolation.
This would be a really good time to re-read Sartre. Nausea used to be one of my favorite books. I don't know if it still would be. I didn't read Camus, and I probably should. But maybe I've progressed beyond the question of whether I exist. Maybe I should dig out my old philosophy book and see which philosophy I vibe with these days. They're all male philosophers though. The whole damn book. I want to know what women think. Women who are constantly aware of our ability to create life and the responsibility that comes with that are probably not as likely to sit around focused on whether we exist. We are into a whole other phase beyond that. I think ethical questions are more useful to us. But I may be only speaking for myself here. And writing to myself.
It's not so bad being inside my brain alone most of the time. I enjoy hanging out with it. We have interesting inner dialogues I guess. I really need people soon though. It would be healthy to be in a room of people again. Or at the least, to feel someone's skin next to mine. I am considering risking it this weekend, after a test, but maybe I should attempt to wait until I'm vaccinated. These are the longest two weeks of my life.
7:55 a.m. - 2021-04-02