I guess it's gonna be another week of hearing about murderous men. Which means I've lost my appetite so I'll be having more weed and be extra emotionally exhausted and will once again have to take yet another digital detox and shut myself off from my only connection to friends, the internet. I appreciate peoples' energy to share death in their effort toward social justice by upsetting and triggering everyone, but I can't stomach it like they can. I recognize that there's a psychological human bias toward a morbid interest in negative news, but it's killing me, not with a quick and painless bullet, but slowly, emotionally, like an abusive relationship. I. Can't. Save. You.
Self, we gotta stay above water here and not let the bad news of the world bring us down and dull our light. It's too easy to sink into depression. Let's try really hard not to, okay? The news can go fuck right off and I have a right to have healthy boundaries with triggering news.
Grateful thoughts: Everyone I know is alive and well. I am loved by my community. I have survived so much this year, and managed not to lose my sense of humor, although I did lose weight from losing my appetite so much. :/ Damn it stop it negative brain, this is a gratitude list. I am grateful that people feel so comfortable reaching out to me even though I think I"m pretty aloof and terrible at keeping in touch sometimes. I am grateful for my dreams, so grateful for the friends who've stuck around all these years and are very good people. Grateful for vaccine. Grateful for gratitude. Grateful for music and weed and dance and yoga and plants and spring and peace and for all that I am and have withstood for all these years. Grateful for my belief system which is there when I need it. Grateful for every teacher I've had, and for those who've taught hard lessons by accident.
Ok cool good pep talk. I feel slightly better. Must remember to avoid social media all week, after I reply to my messages.
2:40 p.m. - 2021-04-12