The zoom party was pleasant. I didn't talk much except to crack a joke here and there and mostly just held a smile on my face the whole time and tried my best to be a good zoom attendee. My friend with dissociative disorder who disappeared last year showed up. I was nervous when I saw her name but when her video popped up I just said "Hey stranger!"
Normally I'd pre-game before socializing to calm my nerves but I'd been awake since sunrise so I sipped coffee instead of alcohol, although I did add a little amaretto to it which tasted nice but had no effect. And apparently I can drink coffee at night and have zero trouble falling asleep?
I was thinking, re the guy who was being awful and saying all the wrong things... Maybe he's autistic. Because of the way he doesn't understand humor or emotions, lacks insight and demands excessive specific questions, and is rude if things aren't a certain specific way including my appearance? Yet seemed intelligent enough with a decent vocabulary. I'm no expert though. It could also just be that he's just another unintuitive insecure narcissistic a-hole who doesn't know how to have a conversation with a woman. Ha.
I dreamed that I was trying to tell him in a nice way that we aren't compatible and I don't want to talk anymore. Then he wanted to buy me wine but the wine never arrived and he disappeared in the bathroom for a long time. Then he turned up again and I tried to say goodbye but he was like 'wait wait let me show you something' and he got on a four wheel bike and lost control of it and got stuck spinning in loops with his shirt caught on the bike and it took a whole bunch of bystanders to save him.
Despite his rudeness, I feel bad for him. The way he is doesn't serve him, and I get the sense he's very frustrated by women, because he's probably had many failed conversations with them, without realizing what went wrong, so he just gets increasingly insecure and combative. I feel like that describes a lot of men. And perhaps an occasional woman here and there too. It's sad when you sense someone really wants to connect, but lacks the tools.
I guess I should get off my ass and cook and do yoga. My neck hurts again. I haven't been outdoors in too long too. I want to be in good health as much as possible before this vaccine which I expect will be a real bummer for a couple days. Fortunately I have that superpower of sleeping, so I can just sleep through most of it. I can totally sleep 16 hours in a day if I want to. Like a cat.
8:55 a.m. - 2021-04-12