Woke up screaming and very sweaty. Maybe I still have a fever because I feel very dizzy and very hot.
I dreamed I was sleeping in a dormitory type bed that I shared with a mean older blonde woman who despised me because of my night terrors and hit me in my sleep. We slept in a large room full of beds with other sleeping people. My bedmate had left angrily because of something I did in my sleep. I didn't feel safe because of her so I plugged my phone into the wall because it was on 1% and called my ex to ask if he was home because I didn't have a key. He was in our old apartment from 17 years ago when we were really poor. One of the worst places we ever lived but we were young enough to not care. He said he was home and I told him to answer the door because I was going to walk there. I gathered my things, which wasn't much, just a mini backpack, phone and charger. There were cut up pieces of magazine strewn across the bed for some reason. I just left them there, except for the ones that had pictures of me, those I hid in my bag so the angry blonde woman wouldn't have them. I walked toward the exit to go home and stopped in the doorway to look back. The room was suddenly blurry, and next to my white dorm bed was a black sarcophagus, shaped like a body with feet, like in ancient Egypt. I gasp-screamed. I realized it must be another nightmare, so I screamed louder to wake myself up but I couldn't wake up. I yelled "help" "help" "help" "help" repeatedly hoping someone in the dormitory would wake me up. I screamed louder again and again. I woke up in my real life bed. This always happens when I wear headphones because I can't hear myself scream!
My night terrors stopped when I started meditating and I've been meditating, and I haven't had weed or alcohol. Stupid vaccine has triggered them to come back but the vaccine nightmares have a unique quality to them. I don't like it.
Yesterday two friends wanted to see me. I feel so pressured. I am not ready. And I don't want to take the second dose because it's been a week now and I'm still having side effects and night terrors -- after over a year of finally not having night terrors. I feel like if I do the second dose for my friends I'll resent going through all that for them. I already do. Damnit vaccine, I was doing fine without you.
2:19 a.m. - 2021-04-30