I want to practice being more social in ways that scare me. Not anything risky or dangerous, but to try to get back to the social mindset I had years ago when I'd look forward to being in a class full of people I called family and ran up to hug them once or twice a week and then go alone to a favorite neighborhood cafe where I was a regular and chat up friends and whoever showed up all night and talk about art and life. I want to try using alcohol a little less as a crutch, although I trust myself enough at this point to have a drink or two.
I like people and socializing, but only in small amounts. And then I wanna be home reading in my bathtub again because that's my favorite place to be other than a quiet forest. So I think its introversion and not social anxiety that I have, but still. I feel like it's about time to try to practice being a normal person again. And to do it a little better this time around. The refined adult version of my previous self.
I'd also like to get off my butt more and exercise just a little more.
I probably need a more solid support network. I have some very solid deep relationships, but they're all disconnected to each other, rather than one big group. It'd be so great to have a real family type situation like some have, although I guess that can come with its own set of drawbacks like toxic family members and such, so I shouldn't assume that's paradise.
The way I live now works for me in most ways. But I don't want to stagnate just because I'm fairly content. I want to see in what ways I can grow. I don't want to make myself an extrovert, but I do need to get out sometimes and hear other points of view. My fear is that if I don't push myself a little bit outside my current comfort zone, I might become rigid or small minded. I'm trying to juice this life for everything I can get out of it!
Wish I had more physical energy though... I started drinking Deathwish coffee to stay awake during the day but I usually have to follow that up with a cold brew coffee on top of that and sometimes a green tea later in the day as well as multiple naps. It's crazy. Well, at least I can rest assured that I don't have mania, because I sleep like a baby.
5:21 p.m. - 2021-06-15