I remember a rapper I used to chat with years ago in a large forum where people used to have engaging philosophical debates. I liked him on most levels -- except that he was very sexist. He also sucked regarding LGBT+ rights. I challenged him on these issues, trying to get him to question the ethics of forcing suffering on those who don't fit in narrow boxes. It later came out that he was gay, but only after he dragged everyone into a whole lot of suffering for the lie he chose to live.
He belonged to an extremely insular religious community which he voluntarily converted to. A community that values having tons of (hetero) sex and having as many kids as possible. These are values he chose and went very out of his way to gain full trust of this community based on these tenets strictly for those who want a traditional lifestyle, even though he said the whole time he knew he was gay. He took it so far as to agree to an arranged marriage! An inevitable requirement for a convert and something he willingly embraced -- while knowing he was gay.
He went to a great deal of effort to earn the trust of this ultra insular community, and destroyed the life of the woman he married and lied to, a woman who, unlike him, didn't have a choice to convert into it. She was born stuck in it, and she, unlike him, would be shunned by EVERYONE she ever knew including her family if she broke a law or left the community. Whereas he could simply leave and return to the life he enjoyed prior.
Well as soon as he was married he went on a date with a gay man he met online who took him to Pride (after all his anti-gay speeches!) But you can't keep secrets and lies in an insular community. His wife's cousin found out and took photographic proof of the transgression against his beloved family member. Obviously he was trying to protect his cousin from her new lying cheating husband who dragged her into marriage and cared more about his dick than he cared about her future.
I googled this guy (he's semi famous) and he wrote a victimy bio where he repeatedly called out his wife's cousin as a "bully." But wait... Wasn't he the one bullying women and LGBT+ people with his self-righteousness before his cover was blown?
He claimed he had NO idea what would motivate his wife's family to expose his lies, implying it was purely because they are bullies. (Surely not because he was a cheating lying asshole.....?) He made no apologies. He is convinced he is the only victim and everyone else is the bully for not going along with his self-serving lies. Totally unable to see anyone else's perspective -- and particularly dismissive of what he put an innocent woman through.
He lived in one of the most liberal and gay-friendly cities in the world yet deliberately chose to convert to a sect that is up-front and honest on its stances and definitely won't change. Then took it so far that he married someone, all while knowing he was gay. Then lied and cheated on the poor woman. Then her family stepped in to protect her by calling him out and TELLING THE TRUTH so that she could be free. Did she not deserve to know she was being used as a pawn for him to gain their trust and acceptance while he simultaneously betrayed them? Exploitive much?
And then he writes a whole bio blaming everyone else, years after the fact, taking zero responsibility for his bizarre choice to join a community like that in the first place, on a foundation of lies and deceit, and ZERO apology to the woman he married... And uses this sob story to sell records, painting himself as an "activist."
I have empathy for him as a gay man of color, but his whole attitude just feels narcissistic to me. Or he has a martyr complex and hates himself so profoundly that he deliberately chose a community that he KNEW he'd have to betray in exchange for false acceptance. Why go to all the trouble? The outcome seems inevitable given his choices.
It's like if I infiltrated a Trump rally and then got upset when they turn out to be republican. Of course they are?
Perhaps the moral of the story is a warning about the dangers of insecurity and self hatred. Someone who both hates themselves and lacks insight can drag everyone in their path down with them. Love yourself goddammit.
10:34 a.m. - 2021-07-07