Every day I'm grateful at how much I lived before pandemic hit. I ran at life with open arms, said yes to every opportunity, made interesting friends, traveled, and had a LOT of fun. I miss all that fun I had, now that I spend so much time quietly at home, but I'm glad I made the most of life while I had it. I'm also glad I had a break from it!
I want to complain about my homeless family members and the insane things we have to do and sacrifice in order to have a roof over our heads, but instead today I'll list some gratitudes to keep me focused on the good stuff. Yes, people all around me are in a mess, financially and psychologically. But I'm living in relative comfort so instead of feeling constantly terrible about everyone else's situation I'm going to at least try to be grateful for these extra large sunny windows and granite counter tops while I have em.
I am grateful for my huge book collection. I could be locked in here reading for years and never run out of books. I am grateful for my laptop and weed which help me dissociate for hours on end... I'm grateful I live alone even if it sometimes feels boring. I'd rather have safety and freedom and not be treated like a hotel that men can just come and go as they please, which is how I was feeling before covid.
I desperately want a change of scenery and one fun day, to be able to tolerate more endless days of waiting for something to enable me to safely have a social life or sex life again at least once in awhile. It's been a really long time like this now and I've managed, but it's starting to bring me down, and I don't want to waste a minute of my one precious life moping about things I can't change.
Roll with it. It's all I can do.
2:09 p.m. - 2021-08-26