Tidied, washed all the dishes and prepared this month's homemade antidepressant tincture. I was a little short on saffron this month, but hopefully what I had will be enough to keep me afloat.
Trying not to let my brain get too lazy and shift into any negative spirals (even while men make laws about women's bodies in a country that is supposed to grant us religious freedom...)
Apparently Christians have the largest number of abortions. Not surprised, based on their version of "sex ed."
I dated someone once who was anti abortion. He was a single dad who wanted full custody purely to spite his ex and wanted me to log onto facebook to spy on her for him. He pushed gender norms on his poor daughter so hard, putting makeup on a 6 year old girl, giving her only pink toys and princess related things and sharing photos of her that seemed exploitive to me. He was mentally unstable. I am so glad I stopped dating him! The sex wasn't even good enough to risk pregnancy. He changed accounts to stalk me on ig so I just keep blocking. I know he has regrets about losing me, but I just didn't like him enough. The way he never listened when I asked him to stop waking me in the middle of my sleep to tickle my belly. The way my cat hated him. His porn addiction and being compared to specific pornstars during sex? His complaints about my cooking being too spicy. He just wasn't for me at all. I should have known when he said he lost all his friends after he dumped his ex after he got her pregnant. Funny how he lived with her for 2 years and decided he didn't love her -- after impregnating her. He was even a missionary in Mexico, as if there wasn't already enough indigenous erasure via Christianity... Grateful I ended things after he got so angry at me for eating instead of having sex with him one night that he kicked my wall and ignored me for 2 weeks followed by an abusive message on my birthday, and really thought I'd fuck him again after that. Nah?
Other things I'm grateful for: saffron. lemon balm. passionflower. donuts. my home and safe haven. the divine feminine. health. warmth. hope. art supplies. books. bathtub. bath salt. coffee. gratitude lists. my life. my age. being loved and loving. tons of tea options. multiple social invites and mentions in one week even after not seeing anyone and barely communicating for over a year. i'm remembered! also grateful for this peaceful quiet moment to therapeutically write my innermost feelings freely.
10:28 p.m. - 2021-09-03