Hi it's me complaining again.
I told the friend who invited me that I wasn't able to get a second dose due to severe reaction and she just said "wow. sorry." It was a brief response and maybe she was just busy driving from LA but I didn't want to push myself on her by explaining how careful I've been. She'd probably like to see me and I'd like to see her too. But I'm feeling sensitive and defeated and tired of explaining anything to anyone anymore, even if that's the adult thing to do right now. Even though I could simply ask "what's the address?" and go. But it feels so complicated to explain things over text without being misunderstood, and maybe not going is the polite thing to do, covid-wise, and safer for me too. So I'll miss out again.
It is isolating to be medically unable to be fully vaccinated and hear friends complain that they haven't gotten a booster yet. I need to bother my doctor again but I feel like the answer will be the same as last time, that they don't know why my body had such a severe three month long reaction. More blood tests might solve the mystery but the idea of being not fully vaccinated and going indoors into a hospital seems risky and terrifying.
My friend who got long covid bragged that she flew to Mexico, specifically the region my family is from. I won't be able to be at my cousin's wedding there next month. But my white friend from Jersey is there, spreading disease to small indigenous villages where there are no hospitals. How exactly does one politely ask a friend not to play tourist in vulnerable places right now? She'd get defensive and say her drinking of expensive mezcal is supporting their economy or some entitled bullshit. So yeah I'll probably stay silent, seething, knowing that villages there are doing everything they can to keep people like her out. I can't even see my own family, but by all means go on a drinking holiday through indigenous villages in a pandemic...
I'm exhausted.
9:05 a.m. - 2021-09-04