An old friend left a voice message to check on me. She was worried because my brother contacted her (and also my ex) weeks ago to complain about my mom who, like my brother, is forever in crisis.
I'm just thinking about the ripple effect just one crazy person has on so many others. Me, my ex, my friend, my friend's husband, their kid, and my brother. I'm tired of my brother making everything everyone's business. If he really wanted to do something about it, he WOULD, instead of calling everyone and sounding alarms and getting everyone else upset.
I wonder when they will ever let me focus on myself for 5 minutes, without needing to constantly put my life on hold to rescue them. I'm younger than BOTH of them, by a lot. Why do they come to ME for help? What can I do about it? I can't go to them for support, meanwhile they're bottomless pits of easily avoidable drama. I know I'm supposed to be understanding of mental illness, but I'm done. It's too much. At some point they have to realize, it's not my responsibility to save them. Only they can do that. I'm tired of watching them dangle themselves off the edge with their insane choices. I'm tired of watching them die.
Sigh.
They're grown ass adults, are they not? Everything has always revolved around their emotional instability. I've become totally numb to it. My empathy can't be stirred anymore. It's never good news. I'm so tired.
One day I'll have closure, and it's going to hurt like hell but at least their suffering (and mine) will be over.
8:49 p.m. - 2021-09-09