I dreamed I was staring down the barrel of a cop's gun. He pulled it on me and pushed it aggressively into my face and I gasped and started shaking uncontrollably and kind of hyperventilating. I was obviously terrified and had no idea why he turned the gun on me but he seemed angry and confrontational and was asking me something but the gun in my face had switched my demeanor from calm to unable to breathe let alone communicate. I was with a group of people and one of them was verbally defending me to the cop and telling him I didn't do anything. The rest of the dream is blurry. I was traveling somewhere, packing things in bags.
The guy who always complains how lonely he is posts pics of him with different women all the time. He always acts like he wants me but then ensures that he is always too busy spreading himself too thin with 40 million other women in town and then wonders why I don't take him seriously. He's always off flying to weddings and bachelor parties all over the nation. He never traveled before pandemic. He definitely lost several iq points since I last saw him. I think the covid got him.
Pandemic is a character test.
Apparently 20,000 people went to Burning Man even though it was canceled, including world renowned genius Paris Hilton. I never went and I feel good about that now.
My chronic pain re-appeared last night but it's not as severe as it would normally be. I feel premenstrual and a little negative today but that vibe will be over soon. I can't wait to shake off this dark cloud.
Today I'm grateful the air is fresh again. I might go outside. I should. I need to hug a tree or something.
Actually what I need to do today is turn up some music and move my body and shake off the dust and cobwebs that have accumulated on my soul. I feel like I'm a tree covered in mushrooms and lichens and moss and bromeliads. All the things that grow on rot and suck the life out of the host. Like Mother Earth feels.
I think a lot about how every way that we feel is how Earth feels. What is happening to Earth's body is happening to ours. We have inflammation, earth is on fire, we're depressed, she's in drought, we get angry and cry, there's a storm.
Today they predict dry lightning. I guess that's when earth/we are all out of tears but there's still a storm inside us.
I don't really like Stone Temple Pilots much but I had the cd in ancient teenage times and the song "creep" has been periodically getting stuck in my head because the lyrics fit the mood and it's kind of an unintentionally humorous song. I should make a terrible 90s playlist for fun, to briefly escape this timeline.
9:57 a.m. - 2021-09-09