Ohhhh the feelings. My oldest lifelong friend sent the most beautiful sweet heartfelt text today and I don't even deserve her! Lots of warm fuzzy feelings this morning. I'm so grateful we've managed to stay friends since we were little! I don't have a sister, or much family even, and friends with hearts of gold who stick around your whole life don't grow on trees. It's comforting to know that someone who has known me this long still loves me this much. It's stabilizing and grounding to have one steadfast female friendship, and makes up for everything else in the world that sucks. She's a balm, a salve, for the pains of life. This friendship is healing. Sacred. She has my whole heart forever.
I felt the chronic pain beginning to creep in again last night and thought maybe if I am attentive to this early enough I could soften this pain before it rages out of control. So I listened to helpful podcasts about autoimmune/chronic pain conditions and did a few self nurturing meditations on listening to the traumas and constipated anger that contribute to these conditions that make my body periodically attack itself with inflammation. I put my hands on where it hurts while meditating and miraculously the pain diminished noticeably within half an hour. I also napped twice yesterday and slept early, because rest seems to help. Today so far I feel no pain!
I wrote a reminder on my fridge to start each day hydrated with water, and to put my face toward the sun when it shines in my window in the morning, preferably while doing yoga or meditating. Every day is an opportunity to return to a healthy routine. Focusing again on having the right thoughts so that I can have health. Listening to those podcasts and doing those meditations was a great start.
Even so, I'll probably overdose on caffeine for today so that I can have the energy needed to take care of myself nutritionally. I don't know how people have kids. Just taking care of myself is a full time job that really requires 100% of my focus.
It's okay to feel scared and angry and sad and worried and everything else that pandemic triggers. I am trying to keep that in mind as thoughts come and go. It's okay to feel. It's okay. I won't abandon myself. Bring it. I'm here. I'll feel. I'll witness. I'll listen to what my body tries to tell me. Body is wise.
11:07 a.m. - 2021-10-04