Starting to put myself back together. I've decided that having a father-daughter relationship isn't worth the abuse. I don't need it.
I'd rather feel guilty for removing myself from him, than be screamed at ever again if I don't conform to his unhealthy demands. I am not my mother. I will not martyr myself for anyone. I value myself.
I don't have to be skittish or feel sad or live in fear of being shouted at again because I am no longer reachable. I don't need to be dehumanized or belittled for "love."
Sorry daddy, for needing to block you, and sorry that the last words you shouted at me will probably be the last words you get to speak to me before you die.
I forgive you and I understand that you're like this because someone hurt you in these ways and you were too scared to ever heal and grow up into an emotional adult. I won't hold that against you. But I am mature enough to protect myself from further trauma, so that maybe at least one of us can have the chance to heal before we die, in peace.
This isn't a sad goodbye. It's no tragedy to be free of abuse.
3:34 p.m. - 2021-10-11