Writing this in stone. Regardless of what he texts tomorrow or the next day, or the day after, no matter what his excuse, no matter what new terrible fate befalls him as a result of his own actions, I am placing a hard boundary, because his bad mental health is bad for my mental health. I will not see him at all. I don't think talking is even a good idea right now because he'll just weasel his way in again and do the same thing. I'm just gonna disappear awhile. To just think, and be silent. Because I'm tired of every other day feeling like a non consensual player in an emotional boxing match. I won't feel guilty or self destruct over it. I'm just going to give myself space from it. I don't owe anyone anything. My last text was "goodnight hope you feel better." I did my best today but optimal scenarios didn't materialize after all. No biggie. Let him go through whatever he's going through alone. I don't need to feel guilty for not kissing the ass of someone who isn't there for me.
Goodnight and I hope I feel better too. I hope I find a better companion who doesn't bite so hard and so often, or who at least has like, basic problem solving skills, or a fraction of insight, and less reactive please. Oh that would be so nice. I might be real sad the next few days. Whatever. Bring it, universe.
7:52 p.m. - 2022-02-19