I'm grateful for saying yes to a brisk walk in the park with the Ukrainian yesterday to walk off anxiety. I feel better and he said it helped him too. Everyone was out walking for the same reason I think.
The air was refreshing. An owl hooted in the trees. A woman fed a flock of ducks and seagulls. He shared the latest about his family trapped in Ukraine. The Russians blew up a bridge so his family has no escape. His friend can't leave because he is military age and his family refuses to separate, so all their lives are at risk, including their young children.
I hope soon we'll all be breathing a giant collective sigh of relief.
I keep remembering my former landlady's stories of world war II when Russia invaded her home. Her family fled into the forest in the snow where they lived for a year and narrowly survived starvation, after being caught by Nazis for trying to save Jewish neighbors. She was only 10. Every day she fed me homemade poppy seed cake and I'd eagerly listen to her memories. I always suspected she was raped by Russian invaders when she was young. She hated men. Especially Russians. She was protective of me like a mother, and smiled very big when I'd respond in her native language. We were close.
I heard so many detailed personal firsthand accounts about this part of the world, and current events have me inwardly referencing all these facts from the past as history repeats.
The Ukrainian's aunt recalled that in Soviet times, anyone who visited the (now bombed) Jewish cemetery and Holocaust memorial/mass grave, was followed by the kgb. Her former neighborhood has now been bombed. Their family has been yelling at the tv for days.
Meanwhile Russian propaganda attempts to emotionally manipulate bipoc to look the other way or be jealous that Ukraine is receiving help for being threatened with literal nukes. (I'm not envious!) Thanks putain, but I can care about racial inequality and Ukrainian children, at the same time. (Ukrainian ethnic minorities don't exist suddenly? Most Ukrainians I know are ethnic minorities.) It's unfortunate that those who can't find Ukraine on a map get their news from instagram. I advised my Ukrainian to avoid social media. It's psychological torture for a history major like me. For anyone. Besides, if divisive infographics must exist, it'd make more sense to do a meme about putin that's like: 'yet another white man goes crazy.' (Or yet another man, let's be honest...) Blame the aggressor, not the victim.
I'm grateful for naps with my rodent. She's so good at napping on my tummy, and always walks up to my face to let me know when she wants to go back in her house to pee. My baby is so smart and considerate.
I braided my hair tightly and tied them with blue and yellow elastics as a tiny act of solidarity. I'm not big on flags but the gravity of the threat calls for an exception to show emotional support for a person who has supported me more than anyone. Hair elastics are hardly enough to show gratitude for all that this person has unselfishly given me.
Grateful I decided to watch film fest shorts yesterday. My mind enjoyed the momentary escape from all this war shit.
The Antisemite I blocked months ago keeps text harassing me from new emails like a human spam bot. I may need to change my number.
Grateful for the new moon, for which I already lit incense last night just as the ancients did who revered the Divine Feminine (before they were massacred). Rituals soothe in times like these. May we have the wisdom and strength of all our ancestors, and may the world rise above petty differences to unite in peace, goddamnit.
11:00 a.m. - 2022-03-03