I did it. I changed my number! I feel like I had multiple mini breakdowns during the process of changing everything everywhere. But now, at this moment, no one knows my number, and it feels like a giant weight off my shoulders. No more drunk texts from anyone! I might just enjoy the silence for awhile first before letting a handful of close friends know.
M can no longer contact me. Eventually he'll remember that the person he slept with less than 48 hours ago and immediately betrayed in the morning is someone he loves. He'll try to call and will notice my number no longer works. And that is no longer my problem. None of this is my problem anymore. Not one single drunk knows my number, oh my Goddess!! I am finally free.
And yes, later I'll have 100 breakdowns knowing that I have only one safe person left in this world who I can see in person, and I will feel the full force of my broken heart knowing M will eventually find someone else. But little by little it will get easier. I won't feel used anymore. I won't be yanked around anymore, loved one minute, abused the next. My life will be consistent and quiet and safe and no man can permeate these boundaries anymore. I'll be able to think about my own dreams and goals again that I put on hold about a decade ago when troubled men hijacked my time and all my emotional energy. I can finally put myself back together.
In this moment, I feel enormous relief. No more harassment. No more pain. My new life begins now.
4:27 p.m. - 2022-04-11