The cat interrupted my sleep to throw up all over my new rug. It's a brand new day lol.
How to attend a funeral on a cold morning when my only coat was left at the deceased's house, because he told me it wasn't there when I asked, and not until I arrived back in the city did he text 'whoops yeah it's here.'
I am an impossible to find size and warm coats are expensive, but I am afraid to tell his family because, if they even have it, I'd have to drive all the way there twice in one week. Or they could bring it to the funeral, but I want it washed first, but I can't ask them to do all this for me. Plus it feels like death is on that coat. It's tainted now.
So I have four days to find a warm coat online that fits and is suitable for a funeral. The only other warm thing I own is a bright red sherpa thing. The only friend my size who I could borrow back a jacket I gave her, is out of state for the next six months.
I wonder whether I'll be stared down for being the only one in church wearing a mask when the latest variant is here, but their rural culture is very different than my urban one in which masks are the norm.
Even if the freezing temps don't make me sick, and even if I manage not to get covid while unboosted indoors, I'll still be pressured to get drunk after the funeral. Catholics and their martyr shit... I just want to stay healthy and alive but these fools make it so hard, ugh.
What I should say instead is, I'm grateful I live here now, instead of there where everyone is dying preventable deaths because nobody learns. When I last saw the deceased, I asked what's new in town, and his roomie said: "Everyone is dying." No one died in my urban bubble. I saved myself by leaving, and now I have survivor's guilt. Although I did try to warn him. He never was a very good listener. Another casualty of ignorance. :/
N thinks my (living) rural friend has some mental health disturbance going on, because why else would someone ask me, a grieving person, if R died because I cursed him. Is this the Salem Witch Trials? I'm the one suffering the illness of grief but I'm being put in a position by a man where I have to put aside my grief to wonder, is this non-grieving man okay?? He wasn't joking either. Curses? What year is it?
8:38 a.m. - 2022-10-31