His silent treatment didn't seem worth the prize, so I dumped him and threw away his things, and it made me feel lighter.
It will be okay. I've actually been wanting to be alone for a long block of time so I can keep a routine of self care and make music and art and continue my renovation project that keeps being interrupted by extreme male instability. (You should have SEEN the fits they threw because I took one day for myself to install a FAUCET. Get off my dick forreal.) I've wasted too many days getting stoned with M when I'd otherwise be using my time more wisely. I have new art supplies to try, I've reconnected with friends, I know I'm loved. I am held by some of R's last words: "I will always love you." I'm grateful for every moment we shared, and also, I'm devastated.
My grief for R overshadows any heartbreak I should have for M. I can be with M or without M, but I don't want to be treated worse than a disposable spoon, so when he starts devaluing me, that's my cue to exit gracefully and focus on myself while he deals with whatever THAT is.
I'll be okay. I eat heartbreak for breakfast. I eat grief for dinner. And in between I eat anything I like.
1:11 p.m. - 2022-11-24