I've complained a LOT this year, but this year was better than previous years. 2022 felt easier than 2021. 2020 was awesome but also stressful. 2019 was grief but also transformational. The Trump years were all exhausting. 2015 was big grief. 2012 - 2014 was fun. 2009-2011 was heartbreak on top of heartbreak. Everything before that was mostly stable and good.
The years I was coupled were harder than the years I was single, but not all were bad. Female friendships have been easier for me and more reciprocal than male friendships/lovers. As kids I had mostly male friends and it was so easy! Then I grew up, but they didn't. Since then I've been unsure at what point I should lose patience, because as I aged, they infantilized themselves and started acting as if I'm supposed to be their mom. I hate that, because my mom stopped being a mom when I was a teen, and I did fine. They're not teenagers, so why can't they, as adults, raise themselves? Do they not have other women they can talk to? Don't they have actual mothers? They do.
Then again, they're not me. It seems like they need help more than I do, so I shrug and help these adult children when I can. But we're like 42 now...
My female friends aren't like this, and they have real struggles. Rape, pregnancy, childbirth, single parenthood, deadbeat dads, abusive spouses, menopause... I don't personally know many women who drink their livers away, but I know LOTS of guys who do and one who died for his cause. But maybe women do and just aren't as confrontational about it.
Okay I think I got all my rants out for today. This diary is my "shadow work."
3:57 p.m. - 2022-11-25