I put my grief to good use by supporting a lifelong friend who lost her dad yesterday. This gives a sense of meaning and purpose to my own grief, because I feel better equipped to offer support with grief fresh on my mind, and having progressed far enough along with it by now, to feel that I can be helpful to someone else. I'm glad it happened to me first, and that our griefs were staggered yet overlapping, so that I can be there for her, and understand her better than if I wasn't grieving alongside her.
I tried to hold space for her to feel however she feels without giving advice, but I did tell her: "Ask for help if you need it."
I should take my own advice!
Fresh blueberries in my homemade oat blend today. The sunlight outside looks like a spring day. I am embarking on a new thing but I don't want to jinx it so I'm going to keep that bit of good news secret for now.
Considering my recent losses I feel surprisingly optimistic. But maybe that's because my losses were alcoholics. I didn't notice how much dead weight I was carrying, until the weight was lifted. I can now admit to myself without guilt that life feels more manageable without them. It's nice not walking on eggshells. It's peaceful not worrying about angry drunks pushing my boundaries or taking more than their share. I don't have to feel constantly guarded or on edge. I feel healthy and peaceful, and it feels nice.
11:06 a.m. - 2022-11-29